I have an addiction....

There are times when I just can't control myself. I have urges that just can't be restrained. On Monday nights I'm normally away in some city, in some hotel, alone. By late evening I have visited the nearest beer store and am well supplied for the week. Dinner is over, football and Curb Your Enthusiasm and Family Guy have ended for the night. I can't keep myself from turning to Sex in the City on TBS. Why? I can't explain it. It is sad and pathetic and...and... just so gay on so many levels. The Fall Classic is over. I've seen every episode of Seinfeld a million times. I don't have anything else to watch; nothing else to do.

My only ray of hope is that Battlestar Galactica starts soon. But alas, probably not on lonely Monday nights in random cities.

Technorati: ChrisCam, webcam, Weblog, Blog, Sex in the City, Loneliness

The Night Before

My company is holding a semi-annual 'all hands' meeting this week. As implied by the title, this is an event whereby the entire company assembles, shakes hands, smiles, listens intently to the leadership dispensing wisdom and encouragement, then goes out and gets hammered...for three days in a row.

I'm heading there early in the morning from Texas. I'm already tired just thinking about it. As a result, I can't sleep. That and the fact that I still have a six pack of Sam Adams here in the hotel room to finish before I go to bed.

I'm actually watching Sex in the City I'm so bored out of my mind. I just want to go home. I don't want to go to Chicago and get wasted every night. This is World Series time and I want to be at home with my kid watching baseball. I don't want to be out clubbing all night at Rino or Manor or Enclave or Vision. Does that make me hopelessly old sounding?

Listening to Dropkick Murphys.
Drinking Sam Adams.

Technorati: ChrisCam, webcam, Weblog, Blog, Sam Adams, Dropkick Murphys, clubbing, Chicago

My Perfect Weekend

Dallas, Texas. City of some pretty interesting, sometimes seemingly contradictory, cultural differences. It isn't a bad city. I mean, it is today simply because it is frigid and windy and wet. But on the whole, not a terrible place to live if you had to choose a place. As for me, I can't wait to go home. The crisp southern fall, unusually accompanied this year by New England-esque leaf coloring, beckons my thoughts.

The past weekend in upstate South Carolina was simply gorgeous. I took #1 and some of his friends to a Clemson football game. We had some nice box seats with a perfect view. Tailgating was fun. The game was exciting. It helped that Clemson beat Central Michigan 70-14. Yes, seventy to fourteen. It was just so temperate; crystal blue skies and fall sun shining. I don't think it broke 75 all weekend. Saturday began with 8 hours of college football bliss. Followed by a night of satisfying Red Sox baseball.

Sunday was likewise blissfully tranquil. We had #1's baseball games most of the day. Sitting in the sun, not baking to death, but warmed just enough to take the chill out of the pleasantly gusty breezes, taking in the baseball games was pure weekend perfection. We capped the outing by eating with our friends at the appropriately named Cheeseburger in Paradise. That afternoon, we walked by the lake near our home, my family and I. #1 sat on the rock wall at the edge of the lake while my wife cut his hair. #2 contented himself with throwing rocks and sticks into the water and chattering away to the ducks. I gazed in wonder at how charmed my life is. Single tear....

Later we sat on the balcony, rocking ourselves and gazing out at the sun setting on the lake. The dying rays no longer warming, we hauled out the pullovers and zipup fleeces. I further upped the warmth by lighting up a cigar from my 25th birthday (all those years ago....so sad).

Such a perfect weekend could only have ended with the Red Sox once again overcoming improbable odds, claiming the American League Pennant and clinching a spot in the 2007 World Series. They graciously obliged.

And so I give you my most recent perfect weekend.

Technorati: ChrisCam, webcam, Weblog, Blog, Red Sox, baseball, Clemson Tigers, college football, fall, South Carolina, Perfect Weekend

1 Year Older

It has been almost a full year since I bothered with this. To be honest I've had other things to do. Beyond that, I'm finding it hard to convince myself that I care about blogs or webcams or the internet phenoms anymore. I've been doing this since 1996. It gets old.

Youtube? digg? Yahoo 360? MSN Spaces? This chriscam.com domain and the content on it predates that by at least a high school generation. I work in this industry. I think most of web 2.0 is a joke and phantom hype.

Whenever I have the opportunity to say anything of value... fuck that. Let's be honest. Whenever I have the opportunity to say something (anything) unfiltered, uncensored, ill-advised (i.e. 'of value'), it is usually when I'm drinking. I don't typically drink and have unfettered internet access in combination when I'm at home. There are children and family and a wife to take into account. A man can't be a total loose cannon in that context. When on a per diem and traveling on company dime, perhaps it is possible. But not at home.

Imagine your mother watching you masturbate and critiquing you. Yes. As disgusting as it may sound, as Freudian as that may be, it is akin to trying to express yourself on a blog, a webcam, an internet site of any sort, while in the full view of your friends and family, immediate and distant.

Chriscam.com started as a website named 'chrisworld' where I posted shit I wanted to say about bill clinton (lowercase deliberate in retrospect) and the effects of the gulf war (ca 1991) and Netscape and Dow 4,000 and these weird emerging coffee shops with sofas in them and what we called the information superhighway at the time. Pre text messaging. Pre dual band cell phones. In fact, we called them CAR PHONES. Forget blogging tools or mp3 players. Or mp3's for that matter. Do yall remember my podcast (in 1998, mind you. 5 years before the term podcast was coined)? Something in a RealAudio format. Ranting about the effects of global warming. See, I was rabidly Liberal back then. I was also poor and ignorant. Oh how times have changed. Now I'm rich and ignorant. And that makes me a Conservative. ;-)

Consider, for a moment, the changes in just 10 years. Possibly the greatest, broadest, most rapid change in man's history. Gutenberg would have been stunned at the pace. Da Vinci would have scoffed. Newton incredulous. Einstein optimistically skeptical. Hawking still reserves judgment.

So what. So you haven't put anything on this domain in a year. So you maintain pretense to some insightful ancient knowledge of this technological space. Big freaking deal. Who cares?

Probably no one. But then again, this isn't about you. This is about me. This is my mechanism for expressing myself when other outlets are insufficient, incapable or inescapable. There may or may not be at this moment other websites on the internet under my pen yet not under any name that anyone reading this would recognize. Why? Because this website and its contents have become ubiquitous within my world. I've had people I know (and who I thought knew me well) tell me that they 'learn' about me from this website. Clearly that hasn't helped them within a year or so.

I possibly post feelings and writings and thoughts and comments under other names. For lack of a better term, I may 'blog' under other names on other websites at other hypothetical urls. It may be my way of expressing, of saying, of telling, of warning. I can say what I really think and feel without consequence. What a society eh? A mechanism for saying what you will without incurring penalty. The ability to be nonconformist in this day and age, without being labeled strange (because you're anonymous, after all) is a wonderful, terrible thing. As Emerson said, for nonconformity the world whips you with it's displeasure. If only Winston Smith knew what would come 20 years on.

• WAR IS PEACE
• FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
• IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

If yall were listening to Evanescence Lacrymosa right now, and halfway into your second bottle of Lindemans Reserve Coonawarra Cabernet (2005) it would all make sense.

My mother is a fish.

This may just be all stream of consciousness. It mostly is. And I've added this sentence after all of the rest of this entry has been written.

You have all been in love before. I entertain that I've been in love many times. I'm lucky that I found someone who can tolerate that which I entertain.

So here I am. A year wiser? Probably not. 50 pounds lighter? Absolutely. Contemplating the same issues and possibilities that I contemplated a year ago? Yes. Three years ago? Probably. Five years ago? Absolutely. I think history haunts us all, actually. I studied history, so that is probably why I think that. But I think we are haunted, daily, constantly, by choices made and unmade. Haunted by issues resolved and yet unresolved. By choices that may predate own births by 1, 2 or 20 years. Choices made by other people that happen to cross our paths. What are those choices? Do you care? I've blogged about my own experiences with my choices for certain. Maybe on this website. Maybe somewhere on the internet, under various (possibly un-Roman) names. And it may not really matter. It probably doesn't. But it seemed to matter to me. Like it has mattered to countless bloggers (before the term existed) who have given up precious nuggets. Anyone remember when Lance came out on Glassdog? Anyone remember when Jenni first went nude on Jennicam? I was there (I mean, not literally). Those were moments of truth. Those were moments when people said things about themselves and the societies that they lived in. They said things that mattered. It mattered because these were things that had never been said before to a global audience. Let's be honest here. You're either someone who is in their 30's who followed this website when it was on television every other week 10 years ago. OR you are someone who was in elementary school 10 years ago.

The point is that I don't see value in chriscam.com. I see value in blogs, as outlets for emotion and thought and provocation. But I don't see that it serves me at all well at the ripe age of 21. Er. 31. Sweet Jesus I'm old.You know you're old when while it may be 95 degrees outside you still flip on the seat warmer because your back is sore. Don't laugh. If you're not there already, you'll be there soon. The sweetness of time is that youth gives way. You WILL grow old. And there's a decent chance that if you're male you'll go bald.

So there it is. I don't care about this channel anymore. I pay for it because I can't let go of something I've owned longer than anything in my life. This website predates my wife, my children, my loves gained, my loves lost, my loves gained and then lost, my airline miles, my jobs, my houses, my furniture, my cars, my credit lines, my sperm bank donations, my apartment rentals, several generations of dogs and cats, my Beacon scores, several southern interstate highways and many politicians. Hell. The only thing that was in my life that outlived this website was a 3 liter bottle of 1995 Stags Leap Cask 23. And sadly, on Labor Day weekend 2007, my father (who mistook that bottle for one of his own hooch creations), opened this bottle and marked it with a 'DAVES HOOCH'. Allow me to set the record straight. The wine was excellent.

The one thing that had existed before anything in my life was suddenly opened and consumable. Days later I started a new job, my wife and I sold our house, we began actively trying for a third child (score Chris!) and we moved in with my in-laws until our new house is finished. Life is in upheaval. Things are uncertain. I travel a lot. My children hate me. I feel insecure about my new job. I'm getting old.

I can already feel the onset of rain by the subtle throbbing of an ankle I sprained 13 years ago. What's next? Predicting the future by quatrain? As Lenin said, what is to be done?

Breaking News From Australia...

If you have kids, you'll understand why this is the biggest news story of the day, perhaps the week. From the AP:

Reports: the Wiggles' Lead Singer May Quit
Nov 29 1:31 AM US/Eastern

The hugely popular children's group The Wiggles is expected this week to announce the departure of its lead singer because of a serious illness, media reports said Wednesday.

The Australian supergroup has reportedly scheduled a press conference for Thursday in the western city of Perth to make a "major announcement relating to members of the group," according to the Sydney Morning Herald, Australian Associated Press and the online edition of Sydney's The Daily Telegraph newspaper.

The reports said the group was likely to announce the departure of the "Yellow Wiggle," Greg Page, who has been frequently absent from touring since undergoing a double hernia operation in December.

The 34-year-old known for his bright yellow T-shirt has been undergoing medical treatment since June after experiencing fainting spells and lethargy, the reports said.

Calls to the group's publicist were not immediately returned Wednesday.

The Wiggles were Australia's top-earning entertainers last year, ahead of No. 2 AC/DC and No. 3 Nicole Kidman. The four men in brightly colored T-shirts, accompanied by a cast of characters including Dorothy the Dinosaur and Wags the Dog, grossed $39 million last year.

Page, who was replaced by an understudy when he pulled out of The Wiggles' U.S. tour in July, reportedly said he needed to rest and seek medical advice for the fainting spells.

"I have had numerous bouts of this over the past eight months but they are getting more frequent, and more concerning," he was quoted as saying by The Daily Telegraph. "So I have decided that I must go home, rest and seek further medical advice to assure myself that I will be OK for future tours."

Publicist Dianna O'Neill told The Sydney Morning Herald that doctors had not been able to identify Page's illness.

Page helped found The Wiggles in 1991 after he and two other members met while studying early childhood education at Sydney's Macquarie University.

The group has franchised its enormously popular recipe to several non- English speaking countries, including Taiwan.

When we took the kids to see the Wiggles two weeks ago in Columbia, Greg was not with the group. Instead, Wiggly Dancer Sam Moran was performing in the Yellow Shirt. He looks a lot like Greg and sounds like him too. So if that's who they choose to drive the Big Red Car, then I think it has the seal of approval from my boys.

The Wiggles



Technorati: ChrisCam, webcam, Weblog, Blog, The Wiggles

I Know John Kerry, John Kerry Is A Friend Of Mine...

So as most of you know I travel for work. Last week, Friday morning in fact, I was on a United flight from Pittsburgh to Washington Dulles. Sitting in 1A (first class of course) was John Kerry. I was in 2A (and Ruben Studdard was in 2F, but that's beside the point). This was a Canadair CRJ700 with a first class cabin consisting of 2 rows. Each row in first class had 1 seat, then the aisle, then two seats. The seats went 1A, then the aisle, then 1D and 1F. Don't ask me why. Anyway, Mr Kerry and I were on the 1 seat side, the 'A' side with no one sitting immediately next to us. I prefer that arrangement as I suspect he does as well. It was unclear to me whether the folks in 1D and 1F were with the Senator or not. Perhaps a campaign or Senate staffer or something?

I have seen and met politicians and celebrities on flights before. I'm always polite, a little star struck sometimes, and I always seek a handshake. That's all, a handshake. I don't ask for an autograph or whatever. Although I did offer Lindsey Graham a bit of unsolicited advice regarding immigration on a couple of occaisions. At any rate, no matter whether I agree or disagree with their politics, I'm always respectful of the offices to which these politicians have been elected. Normally I find myself impressed with the personal presence of politicians that I don't even like and am forced to reconsider their motivations based on a personal encounter. This was not one of those times. Allow me to paint a picture for you:

Senator Kerry was jabbering away on his Blackberry, asking whomever on the other end to 'Blackberry' him this and 'Blackberry' him that. As if it were a verb. That sort of irritated me. The flight attendent, as they are wont to do in the front of the plane, came round a few times for some pre-flight beverage orders. Senator Kerry simply ignored the poor stewardess who was just trying to do her job. She must have asked him 3 or 4 times, hovering near his shoulder and whispering so as not to disturb his call. He finally waved her away with a careless flap of his hand, an outright dismissal of the airline worker. That irritated me some more. But whatever, perhaps he was just in a bad mood. The Senator continued to talk on his Blackberry, long after the cabin door was closed and the plane was in motion, taxiing to the runway. This is in direct violation of Federal law as the flight attendants clearly pointed out in the pre-flight safety announcements. This law apparently doesn't apply to the Senator. Why would it? He's a billionaire, he's a prominent Senator and his initials are JFK. So why would petty things like 'rules' apply to him? That really put Mr. Kerry and me on bad footing. I was debating now whether I really wanted to shake his hand or not.

Once the plane took off and his call had ended, Mr. Kerry started to make himself comfortable in the seat. He took off his jacket and held it on his lap until the plane leveled and the flight attendent was up and about. He then discarded the jacket to her with one hand held out while his head was down rummaging in the bag he had at his feet. It looked like this poor girl was his personal assistant as she grabbed the jacket and hung it up. Not so much of a thank you or anything from the Senator. Also keep in mind that being in 1A, he was not supposed to have a bag at his feet. That is a bulkhead seat and there is no seat in front of him. It is one of those pesky Federal laws again. Anyway, from his bag he whipped out his New York Times (naturally) and began to read. He also started fussing with his hair. I mean, it wasn't just a 'oh let me make sure my hair isn't sticking up' tussle of the hair, this was a full-on, constant-motion, self-grooming that lasted the rest of the flight. As far as I could tell, it looked fine to begin with and none of his self-grooming had the least bit of effect. Perhaps it made him feel better though.

Mr. Kerry rolled up his sleeves as he read the Times. I thought this strange since it was bitter cold outside and the plane itself was quite chilly, the heat not yet on. Highly noticeable on his right wrist was the yellow Live Strong bracelet he is photographed with so often. I only thought about this later, and it is probably meaningless, but he almost always is shown in photos with the bracelet on his left wrist. Not his right wrist. Perhaps he wanted it on the aisle-side wrist so that when he rolled his sleeves up in the frigid aircraft, the common folk in the back would be able to see it. After all, if it was on the window-side wrist, nobody would be able to see his dedication to healthy living. As I've thought about this, the sheer vanity of the man convinces me that he must conciously do things like this just for show. But whatever, he's a politician.

It was funny how he made little noises as he read the paper. I know this sounds weird, but for me it was a little moment of realization. I had never conciously thought of the fact that politicians, even at this level of prominence, actually read the same news stories that I myself read. That is, I may read an article and think things about it and here is this former Presidential candidate who may read the very same story and have his own opinion. It sounds obvious of course, I had just never thought about it before, much less seen it in person.

Anyway, the plane touched down on schedule at Dulles. The plane taxied to the gate. Mr. Kerry took his seat belt off and proceeded to get his things together even though the aircraft was still in motion. Again, another Federal law. Once the plane had actually stopped, but before the little 'ding' went off indicating that you may now stand up and get your bags, the Senator was up and moving for his jacket. Everyone else on the plane was still sitting, but not the Senator. He's above those little rules, you see. He bounded out the door as soon as it was open. We were not at a jetbridge, so down the stairs he went. I gathered my belongings snuck a peek at Ruben (he's lost some weight) and then followed the Senator. As we waited for our gate-checked bags to come forward from the rear compartment, I made my move. I turned to him and said:

"Senator? I just wanted to shake your hand. Don't agree with your politics, but it is always an honor to meet a Senator." And I extended my hand. He replied:

"Oh. That's nice. Good to meet you." And he extended his hand.

I shook his hand. It confirmed everything that I felt about him in my gut. It was akin to grabbing hold of a damp towel. Or more to the point, you know that memory foam at Brookstone that they make pillows and mattresses out of? You know, the stuff you put your hand in and the impression of your hand stays there for a few minutes? Yeah, that was what his hand shake was like. I nearly recoiled in horror. He felt...dead. I mean, it was cold out and his hand was cold and it was limp cause he's a puss and well I guess he just felt...dead.

And that was it. Well, almost.

After our brief encounter, he immediately turned away. I felt as if I had been formally dismissed. Ruben walked up to the Senator and began talking. It was windy and I had started to move away and didn't catch what they were discussing, but wouldn't THAT have been an interesting bit of convo to be party to?

As my bag came out and I prepared to move off into the terminal, a man walked up to the Senator and said:

"Senator Kerry? I was wondering sir if I could get a picture taken with you?"

To which the Senator replied:

"I'd love to, but I've got to get going." Yes. That's right.

He then turned back to Ruben and continued the conversation. The Senator's bags had not yet been brought out. He was in no rush to go anywhere and had just totally dissed a potential voter.

This was last Friday. This was only a few days before he supposedly attempted to call the President stupid but ended up describing American soldiers as uneducated. Either way he's wrong. Just like he was wrong to treat the regular people in my story as trash. He doesn't just need a lesson on the military, as some have suggested in recent days, he needs a lesson in how a politician is the servent of the people. He needs to be reminded that regular people are the people that vote for politicians. Treat them with disdain at your own peril.

I'm just hoping that none of the soldiers in Iraq ever have to shake Senator Kerry's hand. I suspect his salute is likewise limp-wristed.

If I try real hard, I may look masculine....oh damn, too late.

Technorati: ChrisCam, webcam, Weblog, John Kerry, Ruben Studdard, Politics, United+Airlines, limp handshake, Senate, Senator, Liberal, elitist

Little Side Note

What do I do for a living? I travel and bestow technical knowledge as mana from the gods.

I've been to:
Reno
Chicago
Fargo
Minnesota
Buffalo
Toronto
Winslow
Sarasota
Wichita
Tulsa
Ottawa
Oklahoma
Tampa
Panama
Mattawa
LaPaloma
Bangor
Baltimore
Salvador
Amarillo
Tocapillo
Barranquilla
And Padilla
I'm a Killer
I've been everywhere, man

I've been to
Boston
Charleston
Dayton
Louisiana
Washington
Houston
Kingston
Texarkana
Monterey
Fairaday
Santa Fe
Tallapoosa
Glen Rock
Black Rock
Little Rock
Oskaloosa
Tennessee
Tennessee
Chicopee
Spirit Lake
Grand Lake
Devil's Lake
Crater Lake
For Pete's Sake
I've been everywhere, man

I've been to
Louisville
Nashville
Knoxville
Ombabika
Schefferville
Jacksonville
Waterville
Costa Rock
Pittsfield
Springfield
Bakersfield
Shreveport
Hackensack
Cadillac
Fond du Lac
Davenport
Idaho
Jellico
Argentina
Diamantina
Pasadena
Catalina
See What I Mean
I've been everywhere, man

I've been to
Pittsburgh
Parkersburg
Gravelbourg
Colorado
Ellensburg
Rexburg
Vicksburg
Eldorado
Larimore
Adimore
Haverstraw
Chatanika
Shasta
Nebraska
Alaska
Opalacka
Baraboo
Waterloo
Kalamazoo
Kansas City
Sioux City
Cedar City
Dodge City
What A Pity

I've been everywhere, man
I've been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I've breathed the mountain air, man
Of travel I've had my share, man
I've been everywhere

Chair Dickhead of Thursday

Codernaut says: i hate people
jendean2003 says: what happened
Codernaut says: nothing
jendean2003 says: well something must have happened
Codernaut says: i just hate people
Codernaut says: they think they're funny
Codernaut says: but they're not
Codernaut says: they think they're being polite
Codernaut says: but they're not
Codernaut says: most people are ignorant, rude and stupid
jendean2003 says: are you sure nothing happened
Codernaut says: the cube i'm in at this client is one of like 4 in a square
Codernaut says: that all face each other, kind of thing
Codernaut says: so in the middle there is an open space with some chairs
Codernaut says: and there are 3 other people in this cube area
Codernaut says: and they're all moving out to make room for more ibm portal people
Codernaut says: on this project
Codernaut says: so the guys who are moving are all ibmers too
Codernaut says: and they've been here for like 5 years
Codernaut says: one guy for 11 years
Codernaut says: and so they know everyone at --client redacted-- and what not
Codernaut says: and other people who are on their project are always hanging out here
Codernaut says: shooting the shit
Codernaut says: and it is annoying
Codernaut says: and there is a tragic lack of chairs
Codernaut says: so frequently someone is using my chair when i come back from someplace
Codernaut says: so i go get coffee about 20 min ago
Codernaut says: and i come back with a coffee, fruit cup and bottle of water - hands full
Codernaut says: and they're all hanging out and laughing and making stupid comments about golf and the one guy's putter being bent or something
Codernaut says: and this one guy is in my chair
Codernaut says: and he's laughing and cackling and hacking.
Codernaut says: like he was drunk
Codernaut says: older smoking type
Codernaut says: ha ha ha ha, his putter was crooked, ha ha ha!
Codernaut says: and he's in my chair
Codernaut says: and so i maneuver around all the people who can't be bothered to get out of my way
Codernaut says: which is fine. they're mostly proto-human anyway and don't know any better
Codernaut says: and the guy knows he's in my chair, cause he's in my cube
Codernaut says: and he doesn't get up
Codernaut says: he's just looking at me with this stupid look on his face. again, like he was drunk
Codernaut says: so i say, could I have my chair please?
Codernaut says: and he says 'no!'
Codernaut says: and then he laughs and laughs and cackles and everyone thinks that is the funniest thing they've heard all day
Codernaut says: fucking idiots
jendean2003 says: i hope you told him to fuck off
Codernaut says: i mean, it wasn't even funny. if he had said something funny, i would have laughed
Codernaut says: i went into 'disapproving dismissal' mode
Codernaut says: said nothing. didn't even ackowledge that he said anything
Codernaut says: no smile, no eye contact, nothing
Codernaut says: like he didn't exist
Codernaut says: total dismissal of him as a human being
Codernaut says: and i put my stuff in my cube
Codernaut says: on the desk
Codernaut says: now, everyone else got the message.
Codernaut says: the talking stopped and they began shifting around in obvious embarrassed discomfort
Codernaut says: and then i paused to allow the full freeze to descend on the chair dickhead
Codernaut says: and he got up and left
Codernaut says: and as he was leaving he said 'jeez'
Codernaut says: like he was upset that i didn't think he was funny
Codernaut says: so i'm satisfied a little bit that the chris 'cold brush-off of death' got to him
Codernaut says: i love having the ability of making everyone suddenly uncomfortable
jendean2003 says: you do have that amazing ability
Codernaut says: i mean, it was a mood killing chill that i brought on
Codernaut says: and everyone left
jendean2003 says: that's my man
Codernaut says: god, just reliving it makes me feel better

More Immigrant Anger

I'm an immigrant. Sure my skin isn't brown, but that is hardly relevant. My family waited in line, paid a hefty sum of cash, took the medical tests and worked hard to gain the priviledge of living in this nation.

I volunteered to serve in the US Army. I enlisted while my friends went off to West Point and Cornell and Harvard and Yale and Brown.

I studied American history and Constitutional Law in College. Frankly, I know more about this nation than you do.

I am more American than most Americans and I am ENRAGED.

Who do these people think they are and WHY do they think that breaking our laws entitles them to rights under our system?

They are not immigrants. Immigrants come here because they love this country.

They break our laws.

They are criminals.

Technorati: Technorati: ChrisCam, webcam, Weblog, Immigration,

Intermittent Quickshots

So I don't have time or energy to devote my entire day to blogging about everything under the sun. So I've started making posts containing short thoughts on a variety of subjects that are bugging the piss out of me for that day. So here are today's quickshots:

Immigration: This is at the top of my list today. I'm upset and feel roused to action. I mention the need for immigraiton reform everytime I encounter Senator Graham on a flight home. He always nods and says the same thing, "It's important for the future of our nation," which, of course, it is. When I encountered Senator Lieberman in Bradley airport two weeks ago (recorded in a Blackberry thumb-typed blog entry that mysteriously got lost in my transition to my new web host), I also mentioned the desperate need for immigration reform. He smiled, nodded and said, "It's tough," whatever that means. I've written my Congressman about the need for action on this issue. Many Americans have similarly written their representatives. The result? A poorly managed and poorly presented bill that is doomed to failure because of the realities of electoral politics. I have a little question. This new bill makes it a felony to enter the US illegally. Isn't it already inherently illegal to be illegal? Why do we need a new bill that explicity states that if you are here illegally you are violating the law? What the hell is going on in Washington? C'mon George! Get out in front and lead the debate instead of cowering in the West Wing!

So I'm going to launch a new website/blog devoted to tracking immigration issues and the positions of politicians on the issue. I very much need help keeping it populated with relevant content and news. So I'm soliciting help from anyone interested. Mail me if you wanna help. Stay tuned for more info.

Naturally everyone on the Internet is blogging this issue. Barking Moonbat, Captain's Quarters, Michelle Malkin

Feeding Christians to the Lions: I'm glad Afghanistan has read the writing on the wall and dropped the charges against Abdul Rahman. It makes me happy in several respects. First, it demonstrates that the ruling bodies over there are well aware of the fact that they owe their existence to the United States and therefore angering us by killing Christians is not in their best interest. Second, I think this shows a glimmer of hope that the government of that nation is willing to maintain independence from the clerics. Bully for you!

Third, and most suprising yet also most pleasing, is the outrage that erupted in Christian nations other than the US. I was truly surprised to hear that people in Europe still felt Christian enough to erupt in outrage over the issue. The first word of condemnation from a government came from Germany. The United States was strangely silent on the issue (at least publicly). I suspect the recent widening religious divide in Europe has heightened awareness there of Christian roots and cultural heritage vis a vis the Islamic world. A fascinating twist that is ongoing and differs strongly from my own observations about the state of Christianity (or the near-extinction thereof) in some parts of Europe.

Fourth, I was thrilled to see several Muslim organizations in this country and others condemn the execution of Christians for being Christian. Better yet that they drew on the Koran to back their position. Hopefully there are many people in the Islamic world that interpret their religion peacefully and are therefore against killing people for their beliefs.

Afghan Christians do exist and they have their own online communities as demonstrated here, and here.

Many bloggers are obviously covering this issue. Here are the ones I read: MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Dean's World, Captain's Quarters, Michelle Malkin, bRight and Early

March Madness: Don't care. At all. When does baseball start?

Washington Post Blog: Here's a perfect example of how the 'new' media of individual blogs is simply becoming the main stream media. It's sort of like flower children and hippies becoming their parents. Makes me ill. But the blogosphere is wringing its self-absorbed hands over the entire affair and I'm not sure anyone else gives a damn or even knows what the issue is. Read the Post article here. I could be totally wrong about no one caring. Especially since there are a billion comments. But I think I'm right. Most people don't even know what a blog is. Most of the country never reads the Washington Post. Put those together and I think most people don't know and wouldn't care about this issue. Although upon further reading, the ENTIRE BLOGOSPHERE disagrees with me, led by the Pied Piper of bloggers.

al-Qaeda Terror Hacker Caught: Frankly THIS is a far more interesting story (and frankly more important) than the Post blogger. Although I suspect the story will fall below most people's radar, it is a crucial victory in the GWOT. Read about it here.

Fly Me To The Moon: In another Post article, I found wonderful Sunday morning reading while dogs snoozed, baby slept and wifey and older son went to church. Naturally FNC is on the tv. But I digress. Go read this article and tell me you don't care about the space program. It's like the American continent in the early 1600s. If we don't found Jamestown first then someone else will (ie Red China).

That's it for now. I need coffee.

Technorati: ChrisCam, webcam, immigration, Mexico, Bush, George Bush, Politics, Border, Security, illegal immigration, Afghanistan, GWOT, Religion, Christianity, Islam, Fundamentalism, Extremism, Islamofascism, Media, Washington Post, News and politics, Blogosphere, Blogs, Blogging, Main stream media, al-Qaeda, Moon, Space, NASA

Furious

I was just watching the CSPAN broadcast of Prime Minister Blair's speech, (or video here ) today to the Foreign Policy Centre. It was an excellent, finely worded speech. Precise in nature, as British speeches often are, I was enthralled and pined for the day when we too could have executives that were as crafted in oratory. Alas, unless I were to be suddenly transported to the 2nd Inaugural in 1865, I highly doubt I could ever hear such finery of the spoken word in America. The British are somehow blessed among nations to have quality leadership. Except for Baldwin, as we all know too well.

At any rate, I was horrified, indeed furious to hear the announced followup to the broadcast. CSPAN followed Blair's speech with a statement that announced an online poll to question whether or not the Supreme Court of the United States should apply foreign law when deciding cases.

Shock and awe appropriate here.

The mere notion that SCOTUS should even acknowledge a law passed in a foreign land when considering a case in America is pure sacrilidge. The last time I checked, the CONSTITUTION is the supreme law of the land. Any law, any court decision, any executive order (no matter the party in power, and I mean that), that is issued or passed with deference to foreign law is by nature unconstitutional. It left me agape that CSPAN would even conduct a poll that so conflicted with core American law that it was as if one were to conduct a poll on the relevence of the right of assembly. In short, horrifying. I was, and am, furious.

The Constitution is the supreme law, the source of all law, for the American Republic. Foreign law is by nature foreign and totally inapplicable to life within the borders of our nation. The fact that CSPAN, the Cable-Satellite Public Affairs Network, should bother asking the public, the mob, whether or not foreign law passed in a foreign land by a foreign people should even be considered in this nation by the supreme law-interpreting body borders on aiding and abetting the enemy. I am so enraged that I cannot even express it. We don't need bloodthristy enemies who are willing to murder women and children at the drop of a burka when we have self-created criticism engines that seek to totally undermine the foundations of the republic that they themselves flourish under. No. We simply have to await the day when the modern media destroys the Republic as surely as Augustus. At that point the modern barbarians will simply waltz into the ruins of our Rome and overturn our very religions, our ways of life and (if I were McCarthiest) our precious bodily fluids, nod to Peter Sellers.

I repeat my admittedly alarmist warning that the media, in this case CSPAN, is as great a threat to the Republic, under the Constitution, as religious fundamentalism (both Christian and Islamic).

And now, I will finish drinking my bottle of Free Range Rex Goliath Giant 47 Pound Rooster California Cabernet. Yes, I have thus far drank three fourths of the bottle. No glass, drinking right out of the poorly corked bottle. What are YOU looking at! Giggedy giggedy!

Bah!

*****UPDATE
sooo thirsty....

Intermittent Quickshots

So I don't seem to be able to make a billion updates a day like Wonkette or Instapundit. I can't do indepth analysis of every issue I really care about unless I quit my job like some bloggers have done.

Therefore, I've decided to do very rapid opinions on the news of the day that I've reacted to. This is just so everyone knows that I do, in fact, keep up with events even if i'm not blogging incessently about them.

So, here it is:

Dubai Ports Conflict: Go W. Veto anything that comes out of the isolationist and increasingly ethnophobic Congress. How's that fast-track trade negotiation working for you? Guess what America, there is far greater threat from the truckers hauling the cargo in and out of ports, some 20% of whom had no licenses or other ID in a recent investigation. Who are these people? No one knows apparently. Sounds like our immigration system.

Immigration: Speaking of immigration, build a wall. Make it big and secure. Then make the damn process easier for people to come here legally than it would be to do so illegally. People act in their own self-interest. The easier the legal process is, the more likely the chances they'll follow it. Use technology, make it fast, secure and transparent. Amazon.com can figure out how to securely identify people, process user-specific workflows and track the results, so surely Homeland Security can do it with visa application and other immigration-related workflow. Who the fuck is running this show anyway?

Tom DeLay Winning His Primary: Guess what? Don't care. Don't know any non-wonks that do.

Congress vs Executive: House and Senate Republicans distance themselves from Bush at their own peril. They block his initiatives and butt heads with him at an even greater risk. Karl Rove is simply smarter then the entire House of Representatives put together and he will out-politico them. Time will tell, but I think I'm right on this one. Remember, never misunderestimate W. A lesson donkeys have failed to learn since he first ran for Governor of Texas. The elephants had better not make the same mistake.

Abortion made illegal in Dakota:I personally think it's wrong but I wouldn't ever take away the right of someone else to choose something different. Memo to the right-to-life crowd: you won't ever get Roe overturned. So give that battle up and focus on prevention of unwanted pregnancies and alternatives to abortion. But keep the heat on regarding partial-birth, cause that's just unwarranted cruelty.

Iraq: It will take generations to attain normalcy and it is nonsense to expect otherwise. Hopefully we won't have to stay there beyond ten years, but it won't suprise me to wake up in 2026 to find US troops still stationed there. If you expected anything else, you weren't paying attention.

Iran: The last thing on Earth that I want to see happen is W sending in the troops. It would simply be a disaster in international relations, a disaster in relations with the Muslim street, a potential economic disaster and quite frankly a costly military operation. I want nothing more than a broad coalition of the important powers surrounding and choking off support and legitimacy for the regime in Tehran and enabling the generally pro-western public to rise up. But if push comes to shove, bomb em. Iran cannot have the bomb. Period.

Enron: Is THAT still going on? I so don't care about it. I know the media and the blogosphere is all a-twitter with Enron news. But I just don't give a shit. Never did.

Katrina: What the hell is going on with this recovery? This is a total cock-up. We can't clear the debris from a storm 6 months ago and we expect to rebuild a Middle Eastern civilization from scratch? I said it a long time ago, the local authorities are quite obviously incompetent. This effort needs to be federalized and someone with some experience and competence (where are you James Lee Witt?) needs to be put in charge. Maybe this is a job for Rudy? He can pad his national credentials with the rebuilding of the entire Gulf Coast region, become the hero once again and blow Hillary out of the water in 08. In the process of restoring New Orleans, he might restore an aura of competence to the Executive branch.

Memo to George: Dude, I love you and you know that. But get your freakin head out of your asshole. You claim you don't live in a bubble but it sure as hell looks that way. Keep Karl but dump some of the other doofuses around you and get some reality in there. Rudy can help. But so can a whole host of other people who didn't serve under your Daddy. I know you value loyalty above all else, but man, you're getting used like a roofied cheerleader at a frat party. You've got some major PR issues that need to be solved ASAP. And while we're at it, let's start talking about something called 'compromise'. See you use it to get legislation passed. Sounds funny, but it's true. I want tax cuts. I want you to do something about that money cess pool called Social Security. For the love of God do something about the budget deficit. Let's get some innovative ideas going here. You look tired to me. Worn out. Get new blood and let's get rolling again. Oh and FIND BIN LADEN!

Technorati: abortion, George Bush, Bush, Dubai Ports, UAE, immigration, Tom DeLay, Katrina, Veto, Politics, Senate, Enron

Different Strokes

So I'm up late watching the olympics. Yeah it is in lower-case cause i'm not sure it deserves an upper-case character. I just heard that guy on NBC ( I think he's famous, is his name Matt Lauer?) exclaim that they will be right back with the unpredictable tumultuous group speed skating. Is that a sport ? Does the world really award a medal for something that no one can describe? Stupid olympics. Look, I'm a canadian by birth (yes the word is in lower case) but I simply cannot fathom national pride being based on such a flimsy thing as some dude or dudette who can speed skate better than some other person. My God. At least the Greeks based national pride on naked wrestling. The fact that they wrestled without a cheap shot to the marble-bag has got to be worth something. Seriously. Skiing faster than someone else? I'm not sure that is a sport.

Some American named Liggety won something called the Combined. Is that really a sport? I mean shit, I could win a medal for a made-up sport called 'Most Guinness Pints Downhill Combined With Wife" if it meant I was announced on ESPN. Really. Tornino is so depressing. I recall when it was called Turin and my Visa card was stuck in an ATM there. I had to go into the bank and convince them in broken French that my card was, in fact, stolen by their smelly francoItalian-speaking machine. The gruyere was good too. What? Goulet!

Pinot Noir Talking

If you should ask, then maybe
They'd tell you what I would say
True colours fly in blue and black
Blue silken sky and burning flag.
Colours crash, collide in blood-shot eyes.

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would let it go.

This desperation, dislocation
Separation, condemnation
Revelation, in temptation
Isolation, desolation
Let it go and so to fade away
To let it go and so to fade away

Guinness Talking

Yes you caught my eye. I know your plan. You could see from my face that I was fucking high. Good choice. Stellar. Brains and body over...banality? If you are proud of it. If you twist and turn away. You could tear yourself in two again. You're beautiful, yes it's true. If I could, yes I would. If I could, I would let it go. Give some of it away. Surrender, dislocate.

oooo, oooo

I'm blackberry blogging again. I'm on my flight home and Senator Graham is on my flight again. He said hello to me (cause apparently I'm a groupie) and I told him to keep up the effort on immigration reform. I'm giddy like a little girl (said with a Mike Meyers 'Deiter' accent).

Coldness, Coffee & Samuel Adams

I prepared to leave the south today with that gradual pit that forms in your stomach when you don't want to do something.

I didn't want to leave my boys. I have had just a fantastic autumn with them and with the birth of Jacob (#2) I really think I've become a better father. Boy Scout camp with Tyler (#1) last weekend confirmed this. We had the best time. In fact it was so much fun that Tyler wanted to camp out again the following night. So we pitched the tent in my parent's backyard and had at it. My father roughed it with us until about 4am. Tyler got to light his own fire with his brand new flint and newly learned fire-starting skill. Fire lit without the aid of modern technology, smores, popcorn, sleeping under the stars with my #1 son, my Dad and our two dogs. It was all that a man could ask for.

But this week I've also come to appreciate the subtleness associated with a newborn's smile. Any man's heart melts when his infant son looks at him and breaks into a massive grin, giggles, coos and reaches out for his daddy. That can bring a tear to my eye every single time.

To top this off, I reconnected with an old, good friend over sushi at lunch Friday, played an excellent round of par-3 with a good friend of mine on Friday afternoon, absorbed the local cultural mileu of ante-bellum Abbeville, South Carolina's Victorian Weekend on Saturday and relaxed in the gorgeous 75-degree weather on Sunday. I topped off a wonderful weekend by lunching with my wonderful wife today.

Imagine my horror when I was forced to leave this afternoon for Wisconsin and its promised 15-degree temperature. I spent most of the mid-afternoon in Starbucks in Greenville imbibing latte and playing Civilization IV. I was absolutely in denial about having to leave for the frigid, wet, dismal, dark, depressing northland. Sadly, espresso doesn't in any way numb the senses.

I was forced to down several of the big glasses of Sammy at that crappy Chili's in O'Hare's E-F Concourse. You know the one. I was drunk enough not to react to the shocking and somewhat befuddling news that A-Rod was named the American League MVP over David Ortiz. It was bad enough leaving 75 degree sunniness and arriving in dark, rainy, coldness at Chicago. It was just over the top to hear of the obvious retardation of Major League Baseball.

Well. Suffice it to say that where coffee didn't suppress my angst at leaving my boys, my wife, my friends, my state and it's wonderful weather, it was my good old patriot pewterer Mr. Adams that finally enabled me to forget my present reality in the tundra of the north, surrounded by Packer fans and White Sox fans, in the land that the Sun forgot.

Besides, I'll be home on Thursday. Home to that funny pre-teen, that glorious infant smile, that incredibly strong wife, and the welcoming warmth of my home state. Now if only the Red Sox could win another series before a century elapses and if only the GOP could pull it's head out of it's ass, THEN we'd be in business.

Another Day...

First off, I have to say that I went back to my hotel last night, sat down on the bed, and woke up at 3am. So yeah, I was wasted.

Now, I have had quite a few tonight but not nearly the amount I had yesterday. For example, at THIS restaurant I did not sample every available alcoholic beverage. Only most of it.

On that note it occurs to me that the democratic party winning the gubanatorial race in NJ is hardly a surprise and should go in the category of painfully obvious. However, losing Virginia to a left-winger implies that suburban DC and the immigrant-rich northern Virginia (NOVA) has finally supplanted the much more conservative (and dare I say rational) remainder of the state. That the GOP lost that state should be a wake-up call. They MUST reign themselves in, and the President MUST begin acting like a compassionate conservative again (less compassion, more conservatism).

Frankly I'm ill at the prospect of deficit spending out of control, loss of innovative and competitive edge to the heretofore backward Chinese, and the seeming inability of our vast Federal intelligence/defense apparatus to kill Bin Laden and Zaraqawi. It is a total disgrace.

So. As I sit here, fairly intoxicated, thumbing this post as I gleefully watch reports of the disaster that is the Fifth French Republic (and obviously reciting passages from Edmund Burke to myself in order to mark the passage of yet more french failure), I can only pause, reflect, and order another round of this fabulous Wisconsin beer at Grazies' restaurant.

Latest Revelation

In those rare moments of truth, those fleeting episodes of absoluteness, soul depth realities can be suddenly, magically revealed. This was not one of those times.

I have these moments, unique not nearly, in which I achieve microseconds of apparent genius. Mere wisps of clarity in which I elevate to a plane of omniscience, a realm of total knowledge.

I knew with complete certainty that I had intimate knowledge of the great mysteries of creation, the rosetta stone of the universe.

And then I realized that I was simply racking up a perfect score at the in-bar electronic trivia game while sloppy drunk on Caber-Tossing Scottish Ale at the Fox River Brewing Company in Appleton Wisconsin.

Tis a sad realization to come to. Alone. Behind. Away from the world of the living. More especially depressing when you're 700 miles from your wife and sons.

But I felt compelled to thumb type this out on my Blackberry. This in spite of the various and sundry ruffians eyeing me suspiciously. You there, stop watching me typ

Total Indifference

I've got nothing to say. I'm totally tuned out of news, politics and the punditry. I have other things to do.

The World of Baseball Implodes

So the Yankees were eliminated from the league championship for the first time in like forever. And it was by a team from California. Who knew they even played baseball in California? I figured they had enough to do just sitting around smoking pot and congratulating themselves on living in California.

If the season wasn't over when the Sox lost, it's certainly over now. I can just see the ratings for the world series on the East Coast now. That would be.... zero.

ALDS Game 2

All is not well in Red Sox nation. Although we're used to having our backs up against the wall, threatened with elimination, this time it's against a team that hasn't been this far in the post-season since 1959. Sure they have the best record in baseball this year, but the White Sox? Losing the division to the White Sox? That's almost as bad as losing to the Cubs.

No problem. Next game is at Fenway, home of the magic baseball fairies.

Technorati: red sox, MLB, Baseball.

Boredom In Conformity

When I'm in the mood, I like to be nonconformist. It isn't a lifestyle thing, it's simply a matter of liking to go against the mainstream from time to time.

To that end, I have spent several years mocking people who use Blackberry devices. Since it seems that everyone whips out the mini laptops the second the plane lands, I find it an easy thing to make fun of. Likewise, it is silly and downright rude when Blackberry users sit in meetings thumb-typing away and ignoring everyone around them. As Costanza once said, I have always hated them with their complicated shoes. Or something like that.

But there are occaisions where I like being the same as everyone else, even when everyone else is being silly.

And so, in God's ongoing great cosmic joke, I'm sitting in an important meeting with my client, FEMA, and totally ignoring what is going on as I post this from my new Blackberry 7250. My thumbs are cramping as I write this.

As an aside, I'm probably doing about as much for the victims in the Gulf region by posting this message (which is to say I'm doing nothing for them) than the bureaucrats and technogeeks in this room bickering about whose job it is to do x.

But in the end, although I've caved on carrying and using this device, I refuse to wear the thing on my belt. THAT would look ridiculous.

It's After 11 Somewhere

So when my wife told me she was pregnant, I was elated (of course). But one of the things I realized is that I had just lost my best drinking partner. I could just picture it: we're out with friends, I'm drinking a Cab or something and she's excusing herself to go throw up in the bathroom. Yeah, so that wouldn't work.

That's why I decided to give it up. Give 'it' up. If she couldn't drink, then neither would I. Nine months of preggers, plus 12 weeks of breast feeding, that would be like 42 weeks. Almost a whole year without a drink. For a raging alchie like me, that is a big change.

So I did it. Didn't touch a drop all nine months. No beer, no wine, no scotch nothing.

But midway through the marathon, we modified the deal. I could have a celebatory period of drinking around the birth. A few days of drinks with family and friends would be perfectly fine. Then it's off the sauce again till breastfeeding was done and she could drink again.

I brought whisky with me to the hospital. I fully intended to have a snarf or two with my dad to celebrate. But he had to go off to Germany for some work. So that didn't work out. The Knob Creek went with me to the hospital and came home, unopened. I ordered special cigars for the event, but haven't yet had a single cigar. Bummer. But you know, you lose your appetite for those luxuries when you don't have them for so long and have no one to share them with.

At any rate, my father-in-law obliged me the other night and had some nice 20 year old scotch with me. We both went on the rocks. I had maybe an ounce or two. It was 8pm or so when we started. He polished his off fairly quick. Mine took a couple hours, at which point I was passed out on the sofa. I was totally incapacitated and unable to assist with the all-night diaper changing, burping, feeding, etc.

Needless to say my wife wasn't happy.

So the next morning I was informed that I could continue to drink during the celebatory period, but only in the morning so that I would definately be available during the restless night for the various baby activities.

So here I am, drinking my first Sam Adams since last November. And I started it this morning around 9am. Complete with toast and Nutella. IT IS MANNA FROM THE GODS!

Always a Good Decision!

C Daddy

A big reason for not writing website updates (or doing work, or sleeping...)

But at least the first American citizen in my family has his priorities straight:

Immortality

Jacob Alexander (and C3PO)
Born 1025 EDT, 11 August 2005.

State of Affairs

It is a glorious night in Northern Virginia. Following the ridiculous heat of the past couple days, the storm that just blew thru has brought a 20 degree temperature change and a nice breeze.

My baby boy is due to be born any day now. My wife is ready to pop and is no doubt cursing my name with every passing moment. As for me, I'm sitting on a hotel balcony smoking a cigar and gazing out at the capital (and the Capitol for that matter). I'm not drinking anything except water at the moment. In fact, I haven't had a drop of alcohol since we found out we were pregnant last December. Since my wife is my primary drinking partner, and she couldn't drink anymore, it seemed to make sense to stop. But rest assured, as soon as that boy comes out I will be imbibing the elixir of the Gods with wild abandon. Especially if the Sox make it to the postseason.

I should be home. I want to be home. As soon as I get a call you can bet your ass I'll be on a plane from Reagan and home in a few hours. After the actual birth, I intend to take paternity leave and plaster this website with billions of baby pictures.

I also intend to do something that I've been meaning to do for a couple years. I will re-activate the totally egocentric portion (as opposed to the existing partially egocentric portion) of this website that has remained dormant for some time. I will then bring the story of Chris fully up to date with details and photos and videos.

I saw someone last week from my past and it has put me in a very pensive mood. It naturally occurs around the momentous events in one's life that you assess where you've been, where you are and where you're going. You think about decisions that you've made, choices that have affected your life. You wonder about how things would've been different had you done xyz instead of abc. Not that you wish for anything to be different or that you had made another choice. But simply a natural curiousity about the ways in which your everyday actions and choices impact your life.

I know for my part that I've been a real dick to many, many people in my life. It could stem from the fact that I don't really like people to begin with. It could also be that I just made really poor choices in things I've said to people. Most of them I don't regret because they're frankly inconsequential (except perhaps in terms of karma). But there are select people, certain situations where a slightly different phrase or better brain-mouth filtering would have made a major impact.

I saw an ad for that new show where the guy goes around apologizing for all the wrongs he's done. It dovetailed with what I was already thinking. What if you could make things better with people that you've hurt? What if, you could go back in time and change how you approached a situation? How would that slight change impact that person's life and how would it impact your own life?

To get straight to the point, would I be happily married to a beautiful woman, have one boy and another one on the way, two dogs, a white picket fence etc etc if I had simply been a better human to this girl I saw the other night? Did the fact that I was a total asshole eventually lead to my current state of happiness? Or is that simply justification after the fact?

I have charisma, as anyone who knows me will attest. But it has an off switch that is usually in effect. That is why most people don't like me. Which is fine. But beyond that simple fact, God have I been a prick. I mean seriously, a real dickhead. And normally that's okay by me. But when I have an encounter like I did last week, one in which I see someone who used to like me, who I treated like dirt and who now hates me, I reflect on the notion that there ARE in fact people I want to like me. With these people, I really wish I could wave a wand and make my past transgressions disappear. A tabla rasa if you will.

So if you are a person I've treated shabbily, treated like shit, I'd like to hear from you. I know you're out there. There must be hundreds of people who'd like to see me dead. I'd like to wipe the slate clean with you. All of you. Except David Gunn, my childhood nemisis from New Minas, Nova Scotia. David, you can rot in hell for all I care. Oh and Mike Talbert in Greenville, SC. I still hate you too.

But the rest of you, and you know who you are, please give me another chance to do right by you.

Apart from the angst-riddled, sleepless nights of late, life could not be better for me. ChrisCam has been in existence in some form or another for almost 10 years. Yes, TEN years. I was blogging before the word existed. My first iteration of the website then known as ChrisWorld was so utterly basic because the Web itself was utterly basic. The hyperlinks were blue and underlined and when you clicked them they turned purple. There were no style sheets, no other web browsers. I previewed my website work in NSCA Mosaic. Google didn't exist, Amazon.com was science fiction and I was relating my life as a student at BU.

Since then, readers have followed my every up and down until a few years back when I decided that some things were too private. But those who have been around since the early days will know that things have been rocky from time to time. But things for me today are a result of just such tremendous fortune and divine intervention.

Sitting in my room on the tenth floor of C tower in Warren Towers on Comm Ave, typing my thoughts out on a state-of-the-art Pentium 100mhz with 8MB of RAM I could never have imagined that things would have turned out as well as they have. I get to play golf on a PGA course with my son on Isle of Palms near Charleston on my birthday (I shot a 93 on a par 75 and my boy shot a 114 from the junior tee. Watch out Tiger Woods). I get to fly around solving the technical problems of major corporations (and generally saving civilization as we know it) and I get PAID for it. I get to come home to a wife and family who tolerate my absence and who love me even though I'm an asshat most of the time. I get just about everything I want and get to do just about everything I want. Life simply doesn't get better than this.

Given all of this, I really ought to treat people better. While no magic can make by previous bad behavior vanish, I can at least try to recognize my good fortune and do right by people from here on out.

So to my son Tyler and my unborn son Jacob, if you are by chance reading this 11 and 20 years hence respectively, when you will be as old as I was when I started fooling with the World Wide Web, I can only hope you learn from the mistakes I've made and related here over the past 10 years. Your character is reflected in the way you treat others. You'll both break your share of hearts and hurt the people you love, but we are not beyond redemption no matter what the state of affairs.

29

Today is my birthday. Rather depressing. I'm going to the beach house in Charleston for the next 4 or 5 days. That should make me feel better.

CT is Big Pimpin

I stepped off the plane today at DCA, refreshed from my comfy first class seat on the flight from Charlotte. I hopped the near-empty shuttle bus to the Hertz Five Star #1 Club Gold counter and was promptly placed in my brand new, 2005 red mustang convertable with gorgeous leather interior and wicked sound system. I rocked to Billy Idol on DC101 as I sped, top down, along George Washington Parkway into Alexandria. I was going WAY too fast. The throttle on my pony car was growling as I tore up Duke Street to my client site. Shades on, quad venti iced low-fat latte in my hand, totally rocking out to 'Rebel Yell' in the gorgeous sun shine.

At work today I single-handedly saved the WebSphere Portal infrastructure (horizontally clustered on AIX, of course, running remotely in Raleigh) coupled with the Process Choreographer cluster running on WBISF with a UDB DB2 backend from total and utter disaster. In light of a major demo that the Government client is holding tomorrow for a large audience, I was quite pleased with myself. I also had the pleasure of discovering several colleagues digesting my latest article for a trade magazine. And yes, they were highlighting passages for future reference. I'm...just...that...good.

This evening, dining with an intellectually compatible colleague over an obscene amount of fantastic sushi at Finn & Porter, I enjoyed myself immensely. And now, I am sitting on my personal rooftop balcony at the very top of Northern Virginia's tallest building, the Hilton Alexandria Mark Center.

The thirtieth floor has two suites with private balconies, and I have one of them. I'm smoking a fine cigar (precut this morning in Greenville as the TSA has banned cigar cutters), sipping a nice Kona blend and lazily gazing over the 395 corridor toward the District as the night is lit by rainless area thunderstorms.

I am totally, fully, pimped out. Oh yeah, and I'm naked. Cause, you know, I CAN be. I'm out there Jerry and I'm LOVIN EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

And yes, this is pure link whorage. After all, I'm almost Outside the Beltway.

It Is My Destiny

Apparently I didn't score too high on the Star Wars Personality Test over at Liquid Generation:

Am I really that evil? Fascinating...

It's A Boy!

Yes, my name will live for at least another generation. This will make 3 boys (4 if you include the golden retriever) versus my wife (and the beagle). That's 4:2. The Y chromosome is ruling the household so far.

What will my boys become? Doctors? Authors? Politicians? Bloggers? Webcam personalities? To be honest, it doesn't much matter to me. As long as they both grow up healthy and happy, find some nice southern women and further propagate the lineage.

I was pondering this as I wandered the streets of Old Town Alexandria. I ate a nice steak at Portner's, bought a cigar (hat tip to John Crouch Tobacconist) and moseyed along King Street thinking about my family's future. By sheer happenstance, I was on the corner of King and Pitt when I momentarily considered the possibility of naming a son of mine Chris the Younger. That would make me Chris the Elder. Sort of like Britain's great Prime Ministers of the 18th century (William Pitt the Younger and his father, Pitt the Elder). Then I tripped on the brick sidewalk, spilled my venti lightnote and recieved the proper providential smack upside the head for being so arrogant.

Due date is sometime mid-August. That gives me plenty of time to consider the future. Not bad for a lowly immigrant eh?

My Boys Can Swim!

Is it an alien? Does it have a head? Arms? Is everything there like it should be (or shouldn't be)?

Now that we have let it be known around my former and my wife's current place of work (otherwise known as Oz, yes as in the prison show on HBO, or the magical lala land with wicked witches and mysterious reasoning), I can release the news I've been holding since early December:

No better news to announce on the 9th anniversary of ChrisCam.

I'm Still Alive

So I'm not dead or anything, despite the fact that I haven't done shit on this website in weeks.

No, I'm doing work for the Federal Government. It happens to be a branch of the Federal Government that, uh, values privacy. There is no way for me to post witty commentary without potentially being deported back to Canada.

So there it is. I will say this, however. It may shock you, so wait for it....

I have finally settled on the fact that I don't believe health care is an inalienable right.

I knew it would shock you. Discuss amongst yourselves and I'll be back shortly.

Bliss

The Earth is beautiful from 25,000 feet. I'm currently flying over Maryland en route to Vermont. Having left Dulles a few moments ago, we took off to the North and hooked a right over the Potomac. There is a low level fog covering most of the District and the Chesapeake. The sun is shining down on this shroud and it is giving off a white lumenescent glow. As if God himself was cleansing the world. Only the Washington Monument is identifiable, standing proudly in this morning gleam.

I'm listening to U2's new album on my appropriately accessorized U2 iPod. The haunting strands of 'Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own' are providing me the perfect background music to this ultimate blissful moment. I gaze down at the Naval Academy in Annapolis, the low clouds hugging the ground and the water of the Bay. My earbuds are cancelling the noise of the engines and I feel like I'm floating.

The world looks so peaceful from up here.

Giddy As A Schoolboy

So I had a silly, childish moment on Friday. I was flying through LaGuardia and I noticed a man get on the plane that looked very familiar. I thought about it during the flight home to Greenville, SC and when I got off the plane I was determined to speak to the person to verify whether my suspicion was true.

And it was. I got to meet the senior Senator from my state, Lindsay Graham. For a non-dork like my wife this was a nonevent. But for an immigrant history major with an unhealthy taste for politics, this was like Mel Gibson meeting the Pope (I was the Mel Gibson character. Leave me alone, I'm self indulging).

My point is, it was very cool to shake hands and chat for a bit with one of only 100 people who hold such sway over the direction of our Republic. I was just in a giddy awe at the notion. Like a child at Christmas, like my wife at a dollar store, or like myself when I enter a Best Buy.

I actually shouted woohoo! when I got to my car.

Mmmm, Monsterburger

I love Hardee's Thickburgers. They are deeelicious. Makes me feel primordial and cave-manish when I eat one. The new burger, the Monsterburger, is the pentultimate in Angus burger heaven. My boy and I have a tradition of eating at Hardee's whenever we're doing man stuff (golf, CompUSA/Best Buy excursions, etc). He gets the kid's double slammers and I get my favorite, the Monsterburger.

Some in the media, however, seem to think my preferred culinary delight is a little heavy on the calories:

ST. LOUIS - At 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat, Hardee's Monster Thickburger couldn't escape notice in these diet-conscious times. Or the jabs of late-night talk show hosts

Just a day after the Monster's rollout Nov. 15, Jay Leno quipped on "The Tonight Show" that the megaburger "actually comes in a little cardboard box shaped like a coffin." On David Letterman's "Late Show," an actor playing the chief of Hardee's corporate parent, CKE Restaurants Inc., in a sketch clutched his chest, then keeled over when asked of any health risks of a burger that size.

Media outlets from Japan, Spain, England, France and Australia have reported about the Monster.

"I don't think any of us anticipated anything like the media uproar we've seen," says Andy Puzder, the real president and CEO of California-based CKE.

But the word-of mouth advertising, coming on top of a new ad campaign, has had just the impact the company wanted. People have just had to try the Monster. All of it.

"You can certainly say it exceeded all my expectations," Puzder said of sales, although he declined to offer specifics.

The fuss is all about a super-supersized burger — two 1/3-pound slabs of all-Angus beef, four strips of bacon, three slices of cheese and mayonnaise on a buttered sesame seed bun. The sandwich alone sells for $5.49, or $7.09 with fries and a soda. The combo packs more calories and fat than most people should get in a day.

You know what? The Europeans are just jealous that they aren't man enough to eat a Monsterburger. All they can manage is a puny Big Mac or miniscule Whopper. And they're still getting just as fat as we are, so there.

*****UPDATE!
It seems there is anger aplenty at the food nazis attacking my favorite burger. Check out the rage at Frizzen Sparks and the less angry comments at Argghhh! Excellent.

Helloooo Eurofolk and Gay People

So in looking at my web statistics recently (i.e. about 5 minutes ago) I've noticed that a significant portion of my traffic (let's say 15%) is coming from....wait for it....drumroll please....france! Yes. It's true. I'm sorry to say that they seem obsessed with me. Je le trouve curieux parce que je déteste les français. Oui. J'ai employé un 'f' minuscule. Je l'ai employé parce que les français sont yellow goat fuckers. But that's okay. Maybe I can brainwash them to my way of thinking. Not immediately. No, not all at once to be sure. But slowly, deliberately. I will bring them around to my point of view. Either that or piss them off entirely. Either way I win.

The second most interesting demographic recently has been the gay one. When I say recently I mean since I started this website in 1996. I'm not gay now, nor have I ever been. But a decent portion of traffic comes from gaycams.org and various other obviously homo websites. And you know, that's fine too. I can't help it if I attract peoples of all sexual orientations. You see, I'm cute. It's a burden sometimes, but I get by. Oooh. My ego just inflated so quickly that the positive pressure just smashed the windows of the hotel room.

So keep coming all you frogs and queers! I will continue to rail against the french and their cowardice, but for the gays I might throw in an ass shot every now and then (I may need two webcams for that. God help us all).

Been there, done that

Well, it's nice to know that someone is continuing the fine traditions of the 232. I had the pleasure of gaining carnal knowledge someplace near where Crockett supposedly died. Actually, it may have been almost exactly 10 years ago. Well, some things in the Army never change.

Couple allegedly has sex at the Alamo
October 11, 2004

SAN ANTONIO -- Tourists at the Alamo saw something besides historical exhibits at the shrine of Texas independence. A couple who witnesses say were having sex Sunday at the downtown mission landed in jail, according to police.

An Alamo security officer caught the two having sexual intercourse near a public viewing area about 5:30 p.m., a police report stated.

The report said Kristine Nissel, 18, and Matthew Hotard, 19, were partially clad when the officer apprehended them after several tourists watched the couple and became upset.

The pair, both active-duty members of the 232nd Medical Battalion stationed at Fort Sam Houston, were charged with public lewdness, according to the San Antonio Express-News' Monday editions. Bond was set for each at $800