I Know John Kerry, John Kerry Is A Friend Of Mine...

So as most of you know I travel for work. Last week, Friday morning in fact, I was on a United flight from Pittsburgh to Washington Dulles. Sitting in 1A (first class of course) was John Kerry. I was in 2A (and Ruben Studdard was in 2F, but that's beside the point). This was a Canadair CRJ700 with a first class cabin consisting of 2 rows. Each row in first class had 1 seat, then the aisle, then two seats. The seats went 1A, then the aisle, then 1D and 1F. Don't ask me why. Anyway, Mr Kerry and I were on the 1 seat side, the 'A' side with no one sitting immediately next to us. I prefer that arrangement as I suspect he does as well. It was unclear to me whether the folks in 1D and 1F were with the Senator or not. Perhaps a campaign or Senate staffer or something?

I have seen and met politicians and celebrities on flights before. I'm always polite, a little star struck sometimes, and I always seek a handshake. That's all, a handshake. I don't ask for an autograph or whatever. Although I did offer Lindsey Graham a bit of unsolicited advice regarding immigration on a couple of occaisions. At any rate, no matter whether I agree or disagree with their politics, I'm always respectful of the offices to which these politicians have been elected. Normally I find myself impressed with the personal presence of politicians that I don't even like and am forced to reconsider their motivations based on a personal encounter. This was not one of those times. Allow me to paint a picture for you:

Senator Kerry was jabbering away on his Blackberry, asking whomever on the other end to 'Blackberry' him this and 'Blackberry' him that. As if it were a verb. That sort of irritated me. The flight attendent, as they are wont to do in the front of the plane, came round a few times for some pre-flight beverage orders. Senator Kerry simply ignored the poor stewardess who was just trying to do her job. She must have asked him 3 or 4 times, hovering near his shoulder and whispering so as not to disturb his call. He finally waved her away with a careless flap of his hand, an outright dismissal of the airline worker. That irritated me some more. But whatever, perhaps he was just in a bad mood. The Senator continued to talk on his Blackberry, long after the cabin door was closed and the plane was in motion, taxiing to the runway. This is in direct violation of Federal law as the flight attendants clearly pointed out in the pre-flight safety announcements. This law apparently doesn't apply to the Senator. Why would it? He's a billionaire, he's a prominent Senator and his initials are JFK. So why would petty things like 'rules' apply to him? That really put Mr. Kerry and me on bad footing. I was debating now whether I really wanted to shake his hand or not.

Once the plane took off and his call had ended, Mr. Kerry started to make himself comfortable in the seat. He took off his jacket and held it on his lap until the plane leveled and the flight attendent was up and about. He then discarded the jacket to her with one hand held out while his head was down rummaging in the bag he had at his feet. It looked like this poor girl was his personal assistant as she grabbed the jacket and hung it up. Not so much of a thank you or anything from the Senator. Also keep in mind that being in 1A, he was not supposed to have a bag at his feet. That is a bulkhead seat and there is no seat in front of him. It is one of those pesky Federal laws again. Anyway, from his bag he whipped out his New York Times (naturally) and began to read. He also started fussing with his hair. I mean, it wasn't just a 'oh let me make sure my hair isn't sticking up' tussle of the hair, this was a full-on, constant-motion, self-grooming that lasted the rest of the flight. As far as I could tell, it looked fine to begin with and none of his self-grooming had the least bit of effect. Perhaps it made him feel better though.

Mr. Kerry rolled up his sleeves as he read the Times. I thought this strange since it was bitter cold outside and the plane itself was quite chilly, the heat not yet on. Highly noticeable on his right wrist was the yellow Live Strong bracelet he is photographed with so often. I only thought about this later, and it is probably meaningless, but he almost always is shown in photos with the bracelet on his left wrist. Not his right wrist. Perhaps he wanted it on the aisle-side wrist so that when he rolled his sleeves up in the frigid aircraft, the common folk in the back would be able to see it. After all, if it was on the window-side wrist, nobody would be able to see his dedication to healthy living. As I've thought about this, the sheer vanity of the man convinces me that he must conciously do things like this just for show. But whatever, he's a politician.

It was funny how he made little noises as he read the paper. I know this sounds weird, but for me it was a little moment of realization. I had never conciously thought of the fact that politicians, even at this level of prominence, actually read the same news stories that I myself read. That is, I may read an article and think things about it and here is this former Presidential candidate who may read the very same story and have his own opinion. It sounds obvious of course, I had just never thought about it before, much less seen it in person.

Anyway, the plane touched down on schedule at Dulles. The plane taxied to the gate. Mr. Kerry took his seat belt off and proceeded to get his things together even though the aircraft was still in motion. Again, another Federal law. Once the plane had actually stopped, but before the little 'ding' went off indicating that you may now stand up and get your bags, the Senator was up and moving for his jacket. Everyone else on the plane was still sitting, but not the Senator. He's above those little rules, you see. He bounded out the door as soon as it was open. We were not at a jetbridge, so down the stairs he went. I gathered my belongings snuck a peek at Ruben (he's lost some weight) and then followed the Senator. As we waited for our gate-checked bags to come forward from the rear compartment, I made my move. I turned to him and said:

"Senator? I just wanted to shake your hand. Don't agree with your politics, but it is always an honor to meet a Senator." And I extended my hand. He replied:

"Oh. That's nice. Good to meet you." And he extended his hand.

I shook his hand. It confirmed everything that I felt about him in my gut. It was akin to grabbing hold of a damp towel. Or more to the point, you know that memory foam at Brookstone that they make pillows and mattresses out of? You know, the stuff you put your hand in and the impression of your hand stays there for a few minutes? Yeah, that was what his hand shake was like. I nearly recoiled in horror. He felt...dead. I mean, it was cold out and his hand was cold and it was limp cause he's a puss and well I guess he just felt...dead.

And that was it. Well, almost.

After our brief encounter, he immediately turned away. I felt as if I had been formally dismissed. Ruben walked up to the Senator and began talking. It was windy and I had started to move away and didn't catch what they were discussing, but wouldn't THAT have been an interesting bit of convo to be party to?

As my bag came out and I prepared to move off into the terminal, a man walked up to the Senator and said:

"Senator Kerry? I was wondering sir if I could get a picture taken with you?"

To which the Senator replied:

"I'd love to, but I've got to get going." Yes. That's right.

He then turned back to Ruben and continued the conversation. The Senator's bags had not yet been brought out. He was in no rush to go anywhere and had just totally dissed a potential voter.

This was last Friday. This was only a few days before he supposedly attempted to call the President stupid but ended up describing American soldiers as uneducated. Either way he's wrong. Just like he was wrong to treat the regular people in my story as trash. He doesn't just need a lesson on the military, as some have suggested in recent days, he needs a lesson in how a politician is the servent of the people. He needs to be reminded that regular people are the people that vote for politicians. Treat them with disdain at your own peril.

I'm just hoping that none of the soldiers in Iraq ever have to shake Senator Kerry's hand. I suspect his salute is likewise limp-wristed.

If I try real hard, I may look masculine....oh damn, too late.

Technorati: ChrisCam, webcam, Weblog, John Kerry, Ruben Studdard, Politics, United+Airlines, limp handshake, Senate, Senator, Liberal, elitist

As told by Christo on November 1, 2006 @ 09:37

 FILED UNDER: As My World Turns , Little Thoughts , Politico
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